Update: My sincere thanks go out to Emily (
@seelix on Twitter) for recovering this post for me after it went offline.
Bill Watterson is a sort of personal hero to me for having created the
Calvin and Hobbes strip and writing such wonderful stories for 10
years. Watterson once described that part of the charm of Calvin's
character was his ability to precisely articulate very stupid ideas.
This incongruence between Calvin's eloquence and his naive ignorance was
the source of much of the strip's humor.
Well, today, I had the pleasure of reading some of the most precisely
articulated stupidity that I have seen in a while. It is not every day,
after all, that one gets to read a
Tea and Crumpets Partier take issue with the utopian view that
Star Trek
puts forward and in doing so, lay bare the intellectual bankrupcy of
the TCP movement. Truly, there is comedic gold buried in this
bizarrely coherent but utterly stupid rant by Walter Hudson.
It is telling that our inadverent comedian opens with a quote from Roddenberry intended to demonstrate how
Star Trek is a bad thing:
The whole show was an attempt to say that humanity will
reach maturity and wisdom on the day that it begins not just to
tolerate, but to take a special delight in differences in ideas and
differences in life forms. We tried to say that the worst possible thing
that can happen to all of us is for the future to somehow press us into
a common mould, where we begin to act and talk and look and think
alike. If we cannot learn to actually enjoy those small differences,
take a positive delight in those small differences between our own kind,
here on this planet, then we do not deserve to go out into space and
meet the diversity that is almost certainly out there. And I think that
this is what people responded to.
Ironically, this multicultural meme leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Tolerating every idea enables ideas which are destructive. As the
franchise has progressed, it has (perhaps unwittingly) demonstrated this
flaw in its own message.
Right out of the gate, Hudson has jumped the shark by presuming that his
audience shares the same paranoia for the word "multiculturalism" that he
does. Nowhere in the quote provided does Roddenberry state that he
thought we should embrace or even tolerate all ideas equally, but rather
that we should be willing to "take a special delight in differences in
ideas." Multiculturalism does not preclude one from recognizing that
some ideas have severely negative implications if acted upon, contrary
to what Hudson seems to think.
The rest of this gem consists of a list of 10 supposedly destructive social messages espoused through
Star Trek. Even a cursory glace at the titles of these ten sections gives one a startlingly blunt view on how Hudson sees the world:
- The U.N. in Space
- Prime Directive
- No Money
- Galactic Peace
- Silly God, Tricks Are For Man
- Occupations and Insurgents
- Set Phasers on Stun
- Cosmic Environmentalism
- Resistance Is Futile
- Can’t We All Just Get Along?
Only in the upside-down reality-starved community that is the Tea and
Crumpets Party is this list somehow damning, but inside that petri dish
of memetic insanity, words and names like "U.N," "peace," "trick," and
"environment" take on the quality of nightmares induced by sleeping in
front of one too many rants by Glenn Beck. Far be it from me to try and
deconstruct such a perverse framework for understanding the world, for
fear of being irrevocably damaged by the Lovecraftian horrors that lie
dormant in such twisted logics. (OK, that last sentence was exaggeration
bordering on purple prose, but it was fun to write.) Instead, I shall
be content to address some of the more LOLworthy points that Hudson hits
upon in his psychiatric disrobing so cleverly disguised as an article
about
Star Trek.
Let's start our journey into madness with the first "message": that the
United Federation of Planets is much like the United Nations in the real
world. Perhaps surprisingly, I agree! The UFP is transparently modeled
after the UN, but I think it stands to reflect the unbridled idealism of
Star Trek. Where the UFP differs from the UN is in that it works
well to achieve it's intended purpose. That it achieves, finally, after
so many false starts, the ideal of a cooperative body that spans across
not only nations, but worlds and even species. To Hudson, this utopian
idealism seems to be the whole problem:
While the occasional insurrection or insubordination was explored
throughout the franchise, for the most part, no one within the
Federation really questions their government. As we shall examine in
more detail, in Star Trek, the government is a two-dimensional
institution which works because it must in order to advance a particular
political narrative.
In short, Hudson is arguing that aside from those times that people in
Star Trek question their government so brilliantly and so passionately (take, for example,
The Drumhead [TNG],
The Measure of a Man [TNG],
Star Trek: Insurrection, or practically all of
Deep Space Nine's
seventh season), no one ever questions their government! Hudson sees in
the bold idealism of asserting a government that works well
most
of the time a spectre of timid uniformity. How markedly different from
the Pickard, the Sisko, the Odo, the Data, the Spock, and all the other
characters in whom I invested so much emotion are these timid spectres
that haunt Hudson's
Star Trek!
Next on the menu, we are served a deliciously absurd view of
Star Trek's
Prime Directive. For the uninitiated, the Prime Directive asserts that
the Federation is not to go around the galaxy remaking technologically
primitive planets into societies unto their own image. The Prime
Directive is informed by a history of well-intentioned but disastrous
interventions into the progression of other cultures, and aims to allow
nascent cultures to get a chance to participate in galactic culture as
equals and on the merits of what they offer, rather than to be damned by
the accident of a slower technological progression. There are, of
course, many points with which one can argue intelligently (and on which
many
Star Trek characters do!) with the Prime Directive, and I
think it'd be a shame to accept the Directive as a given without
critical thought. It will come as little surprise, though, that Hudson
neatly sidesteps any intellectual basis for disagreeing with the
Directive, instead connecting it back to the boogeyman of
multiculturalism:
The defining aspect of Star Trek’s Federation is its Prime
Directive, the law above all others which its officers are sworn to
uphold even at the expense of their life and the lives of others. Stated
simply, the Prime Directive is to never interfere with the natural
evolution of another civilization. In the original series, this meant
refraining from contaminating relatively primitive cultures with
knowledge of Starfleet and its advanced technology. Over the years, the
Prime Directive has expanded into a kind of galactic Tenth Amendment,
assuring member planets jurisdiction over internal affairs.
While the latter may seem attractive to conservatives, it is worth
noting that the supreme moral principle upon which the Prime Directive
is based is not natural rights or individual sovereignty, but multiculturalism. In Star Trek,
the one cardinal sin is applying your values to an alien culture.
Here, I have emphasized where Hudson seems to have been watching a
completely different set of shows and movies than I did. What else other
than "applying your values to an alien culture" is the whole Dominion
War, or the earlier Cardassian War? The idea that the Federation has
something to offer other cultures in terms of moral values is so
omnipresent in
Star Trek that picking a single example would be to miss the point. Where
Star Trek differs from Hudson's wingnut world, however, is that the Federation also
learns
from other cultures. The interactions go both ways, unlike the
one-sided ethnocentric and xenophobic ideas on foreign policy espoused
by many of the TCP's most ardent supporters.
Since I don't wish to hash through this ridiculous article for the rest
of my natural life, or even for the rest of the weekend, let me speed up
a bit. I think you get the flavor of Hudson's approach already: isolate
something that happened in
Star Trek and connect it to a
dog-whistle, boogeyman or spectre of the wingnut mind. To wit, "No
Money" connects the absence of money in the Federation to communism
(gasp!), missing soundly the point that the absence of money derives
from an absence of scarcity. There's no point to money when there is no
scarcity to drive economies. Whereas the Ferengi solve this "problem" by
inventing new scarcities, the Federation embraces the promise of a
world not held back by dollars and cents. A world freed to pursue its
dreams and its ideals, no matter the price tag.
Hudson next misunderstands the ideals of the Federation rather
dramatically by his characterization that "the Federation is a kind of
galactic nation vying for power among hostile neighbors on all sides,"
and thus that "peace remains illusive." That the show documents how its
characters deal with adversity in face of their ideals is not a
criticism, but part of the wondrous utopia that the shows depict! Peace
is so valued and well-understood by the Federation that they will work
for peace even when so surrounded. One key transition depicted over the
course of four shows spanning 26 seasons was the transformation of the
Klingons from a violent adversary to an uneasy ally, then to a valued
but misunderstood neighbor and finally to a celebrated friend in the
Dominion War. What could better demonstrate the Federation's ideal of
peace than their successful diplomatic efforts with a species whose
cultural history celebrates violence and imperialism at every turn?
Skipping mostly past "Silly God, Tricks are for Man," I will pause just to note that it is so incoherent as to cite early
Star Trek as following "Judeo-Christian tradition," as if such a thing existed outside of the weird
premillennial-dispensationalism steeped mind of the modern wingnut. Far more interesting is Hudson's complete perversion of the
Star Trek
parables of the Cardiassians, Bajorans and the Dominion on display in
"Occupations and Insurgents." No amount of analysis on my part could
hope to improve simply quoting Hudson on this point:
When the United States deployed in Afghanistan and Iraq,
its mission was similar to that of the Federation at Bajor, keep the
peace, defend the interests of liberty, and prevent old and new enemies
from exerting themselves in the area.
...
[Deep Space Nine] became the Federation’s vanguard, defending a wormhole
through which the evil Dominion could attack from across the galaxy. Iraq
likewise became American’s vanguard in the global War on Terror. The
Dominion’s leaders were shape-shifters who could appear as anyone or
anything, and thus conduct insurgent warfare against the Federation.
Anyone who equates the Dominion's grand imperialist schemes with modern insurgents either never watched
Star Trek,
or suffered one too many concussions to comprehend it properly. The
same complete and utter lack of understanding of the ideals of the show
is on display in "Phasers on Stun":
Be that as it may, the ability to simply stun enemies rather than kill them lowered the stakes of the drama somewhat. Star Trek
frequently failed to address the uncomfortable scenarios such an
ability would present in real life. Even if you could stun someone who
wanted to kill you, wouldn’t they still want to kill you once they
recovered? Have you really dealt with the threat?
Such a flirtation with violence as being the best solution to a problem,
rather than as being a poor substitute for understanding, diplomacy and
rational discussion says quite a bit more about Hudson and his memetic
environment than I might have wanted to see, but there it is. To Hudson,
it seems that killing someone is truly the only way to "deal with the
threat," and that our fiction should reflect this cruel "fact." It seems
that Hudson's comedy now gives way to a brutal exposure of a genuinely
unpleasant mind. Luckily, we are spared delving too much further yet by
the section on "Cosmic Environmentalism":
A powerful alien probe has come to Earth looking for them, and starts
trashing the place when they don’t harmonize with its cetacean song. The
moral of the story is obvious. If we do not act to protect the
environment today, a race of alien sea turtles may destroy our
civilization tomorrow.
Admittedly,
Star Trek IV was cheesy and campy, but it was
wonderful seeing the denizens of a better future come face to face with
their history: a people that treats their environs as immutable,
exploitable and lifeless. Hudson describes this in decidedly less
gracious terms:
As they peruse the landscape of ’80′s San Francisco, the crew wander
about like bemused Westerners stranded among a primitive tribe.
Maybe that should give us pause, Mr. Hudson? How should our decedents
see us, and how do we go about making that happen? If we don't want the
future to think of us as a what you call a "primitive tribe," maybe we
shouldn't act like one!
I'm happy to report that Hudson has saved the best for last, as his
sections on "Resistance is Futile" and "Can't We All Just Get Along?"
meld together into a single thesis so bizarre, so stupid and so
astounding that it alone could have motivated me writing this post. He
opens with this doozy:
In a franchise which has clearly been leveraged to promote leftist
ideology, one of the most fascinating developments has been the
introduction off a villain so plainly emblematic of the Left. The
popularity of the Borg, an aggressive race of cyborgs who share a
collective hive mind, is no doubt attributable to the psychological
horror they represent.
The Borg seek to assimilate intelligent life into their totalitarian
society, wholly subduing individuality in service to the collective. In
doing so, they believe they are working toward the perfection of their
species. Could there be a better metaphor for the Left than these
cybernetic zombies?
I dare you to count the number of buzzwords, dog-whistles and boogeymen
hiding in that quotation, then add to that the ridiculous
characterization of progressiveism as "cybernetic zombies." Any pretense
of sanity has now been fully left behind, leaving Hudson standing bare
in all his nuttiness, but he's not done yet!
The Borg challenge the Federation’s Utopian ideals, and thus those of
the Left, by presenting a threat which cannot be reasoned or negotiated
with.
But I thought the Borg was the Left! Oh, wait, they are again a few moments later:
The Borg are also the enemy faced in Star Trek: First Contact. At that point in franchise continuity, Picard has encountered the Borg enough to know there is only one appropriate response.
We’ve made too many compromises already, too many
retreats. They invade our space, and we fall back. They assimilate
entire worlds, and we fall back. Not again. The line must be drawn here.
This far, no further!
So no mention of how that hard-line stance nearly cost Picard his life,
his crew, his planet, his Federation, his ideals? No, as Hudson goes
boldly on to conclude with this knockout of a thesis:
Again, the Borg stand as a curious contradiction to this sentiment.
Strictly speaking, they share the same objective as the Federation,
galactic peace. The difference is that the Borg see peace as the end
result of destroying or assimilating all free people in the galaxy (a
perspective they share with Islam).
In this the Borg are correct, because freedom enables distinctiveness,
and distinctiveness breeds discord. We will never completely get along
so long as some among us remain free.
Setting aside for a moment the obscene perversion of the word "freedom"
on display here, note what I have emphasized above: Hudson equates the
Borg with Islam, and also with what he calls "the Left," and thus he's
done! Liberals are Islam, QED. What better punchline could you imagine
for such a coherently stupid manifesto?
While I have done my best to illustrate the comedy of Hudson's
tea-stained view of the world, I would be remiss if I left one with the
impression that this was all one big joke. The worldview through which
Hudson sees
Star Trek as not a utopia but a dystopia is currently
still seen as a serious contender in the American marketplace of ideas;
so much so that we think of Obama as liberal by
comparison, so much so that Bill O'Riley has become a voice of reason on
his network, so much so that Donald Trump is not immediately laughed
off-stage and so much so that Michelle Bachman currently has a job.
Thus, my laughter at Hudson's fevered views comes with a barb. I laugh
in the hope and the promise of discrediting a bankrupt movement, against
which the ideals espoused by a brilliant series of TV shows like
Star Trek stands as all the more essential.